Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

It was Tom Cruise at a Scientology convention with a sword.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

It was your best friend in Miami with a pool noodle.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

It was your mom in Cancun with an ugly Christmas sweater.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

It was the Pope in the Bahamas with holy water.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

It was your boyfriend or girlfriend in Puerto Rico with a rusty nail.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

It was that guy in Barcelona with fire.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

It was Colonel Mustard in New York City with a strawberry daiquiri.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

It was Fred Flintstone in Las Vegas with a quarter.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

It was Paul McCartney in Daytona with a bag of chips.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

It was you in the Gates Hillman Complex with a huge tub of Ben & Jerry's.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

It was Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen in Cabo with a hot tub.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

It was Jay-Z in Sydney with a B-52.