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Advice for awkward people

A few weeks ago, I signed up to match with someone on subtle CMU dating and cmu.cupid. I know that conservative females are in demand on cmu.cupid, so I DM’d the matchmakers to say that I didn’t really care about political alignment to try to get a match. After some time snapchatting and messaging, I’m starting to regret it. I feel muzzled. She keeps talking about something called feminism, and I don’t think I can keep my mouth shut much longer. How can I tell her that I don’t want to hear her political opinions anymore so I can speak freely again?

-- xX_Free_Speech_LUVR_Xx


Dear F.S.L.,

When beginning a relationship, even if it’s one facilitated by others on an online forum, it’s important to stay true to yourself. Honesty is always the best policy.

In light of that, I’d recommend having a conversation with this young woman to explain to her your political beliefs, and in the interest of staying true to yourself by being honest, I’d also recommend not selling your political beliefs short. Do you believe that the wage gap is fake? You do? Tell her that. Do you think that the government should police the choice to have a baby or not? Oh, you don’t believe women should have a choice? They’re simply vessels for your unborn child? Tell her that. You don’t believe women should leave the house, instead living like a naked mole rat in your basement only leaving to make meals and clean? Tell her that!

Maybe this young woman will be able to see past your political views to maintain your relationship, but there’s also the chance that she will see them as a deal-breaker. This is not an opportunity to start calling her names, berating her, or stalking her. The appropriate response in this situation is to say, “I understand. I appreciate your honesty, and I hope to keep in touch.”

Unfortunately, Carnegie Mellon has a bit of a stalking issue. Between 2015 and 2017, Carnegie Mellon reported 67 cases of stalking. The University of Pittsburgh only reported 10. Point Park University and Duquesne University reported six. Maybe you wouldn’t do that F.S.L., but certain obsessive personality traits are not cute in romantic relationships. See a therapist.

Considering your love of free speech, F.S.L., I’m sure you’re well aware that relationships between two private parties are not protected by the U.S. Constitution. If we take Carnegie Mellon as one private party and a random employee, say Richard Grenell, the university has every right to fire him for certain political speech. In fact, it happens all the time at the New York Times, Google, and Amazon.

It’s important to speak your mind, especially if you feel you’re not being true and honest by not speaking, but remember, there are repercussions for what you say. The government can’t mandate girlfriends (yet), so if she disagrees with your politics, maybe it isn’t a good fit. Or, maybe, you should think harder about what you believe.

Sincerely,
Advice for awkward people