Embarrassed by Your Major? Try This!
Look, we've all been there. You are chatting up some fine dame or dude, and the subject of your major comes up. Often, it is the first subject, because Carnegie Mellon college students are poor conversationalists. You could just tell Patrick your major, but then he'd think less of you! A spark of inspiration, eureka! All you need to do is lie, and claim a different major as your own! But you cannot just select one willy-nilly. If your chosen major doesn't mesh with your vibes, your trickery will be quickly uncovered, and seppuku will be required. Hopefully, this here article can solve this problem.
Computer Science Major:
Okay, if you are in the CMU School of Computer Science, congratulations. You are obviously a genius, and will be paid oodles of cash once you graduate. Your peers will recognize that Carnegie Mellon is the Harvard of tech and cover you with adulation. In the meanwhile, you are seen by many as an unwashed nerd, too busy with coding your silly little assignments to make human contact. Really, you can be a bit terrifying. When you have these vibes, it can be difficult to determine another major to co-opt, but claiming an Information Systems major seems like a good fit. Still techy, but the Dietrich bend makes you appear more cultured.
Theater Major:
Everyone has figured you out the second you walk into the room. We can't help you.
Mechanical Engineering:
Look, you care about neither the Mechanical, nor the Engineering. You just looked at the Carnegie Mellon Job Opportunities widget, and saw that MechE had the highest average salary. You just want to get a position as a systems engineer at Raytheon as soon as you graduate so you can utilize the Navier-Stokes Equations for Laminar Boundary Flow to develop missiles that more effectively pierce the sides of school buses. You are the beast of CIT. You are the beauty of the military recruiters stationed in Wean. Brother, your khakis and polo shirt are glowing. At least ChemEs and CivEs have some semblance of passion in their education. Just lie and say you have an additional major in BME to trick people into thinking you care about the advancement of human life.
Undecided:
Undecided students walk with the nervous gait of a bird with vertigo. Hunching your diminutive frames even farther inward, you are the mockery of campus. And your low self esteem and persecution complex makes you even more mockable. Look, we don't like you. Why would you go to college if you don't even know your major. Couldn't get enough of school? Are you going to be a baby your whole life? Grow up. Maybe you could pass as a Mathematical Sciences major.
Physics Major:
You've got nothing to worry about. You are on the top of the totem pole. Hiding your major would be like double-bagging a super model, except even more silly. Physics is cool, physics is sexy. Even a man looking like Albert Einstein could get hoes, all because of his physics major. Stand tall, stand proud.