Zachary Gelman Pillbox Editor

Class of 2025


  • This is a real-ass PSA for you food-ordering idiots

    This is a real-ass PSA for all of you goddamn food-ordering midwits. Don’t think I don’t see you, you slobbering freshmen, cursed to overpay for housing on campus while Pittsburgh rent is so cheap. Or you wretched, friendless upperclassmen. Nobody wanted to actually live with you, so you had to slink back to Morewood Gardens, or Resnik, or so on, or so forth, cursed with roommates you hate, and RA...

    Special | April 3, 2023
  • Embarrassed by Your Major? Try This!

    Look, we've all been there. You are chatting up some fine dame or dude, and the subject of your major comes up. Often, it is the first subject, because Carnegie Mellon college students are poor conversationalists. You could just tell Patrick your major, but then he'd think less of you! A spark of inspiration, eureka! All you need to do is lie, and claim a different major as your own! But you canno...

    Special | April 3, 2023
  • Trouble in Paradise: French Protests, Two Months In

    Protests and strikes have been rocking France for the past few months, with escalating events leading to very publicized fights and injuries. The strikes have been described as being over the French retirement age being increased from 62 to 64, leading many foreigners to brag about how late their country’s retirement age is, and how bad their pension plan will be. But the situation is actually a l...

    News | March 27, 2023
  • Confessions of a Missed Connections Crap Artist

    Dear Doc. Andrew,

    Pillbox | February 20, 2023
  • Gainey's Strange Housing Ideas

    A suite of proposals from the Mayor’s office are aimed at targeting complaints raised by renters in Pittsburgh, including our own Edboard on A4. But some of Mayor Gainey’s ideas have left housing activists flummoxed, to say the least. To resolve the frequently brought up issue of rocketing rent prices, Mayor Gainey suggested that college students “Grandpa Joe it.” When asked to explain this propos...

    Pillbox | January 30, 2023

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