dollar movie

Wednesday, 4/12
8 10 12
The Royal Tenenbaums
I got this on DVD for my Secret Santa this Christmas past. He opened it, looked at it, said, “I don’t like this movie,” and set it down. I was hurt, sure, but I also realized that he had bad taste in movies and I didn’t want to be his friend anyway. The Royal Tenenbaums is odd, and at times hard to digest, just like all of Wes Anderson’s films. It’s not really a “comedy.” It just kind of... is. And that’s the beauty of it. A star-studded cast, delicious subtlety, and a race to see which character can screw up his or her life the fastest.

Thursday, 4/13
7:30 10 12:30
Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
From the director of Oldboy, this is another South Korean flick with plenty of gore, sex, and violence. But unlike our Hollywood movies, there is actually good cinematography, acting, and a plot. Don’t get too caught up in the details of whose sister is dying, who is mad at whom, who just killed the good guy... this movie will take you on a bloody ride of beautiful revenge. Plus, it says “Tartan” on the cover, and AB is still showing it, so you know it has to be good.

Friday, 4/14
7:30 10 12:30
Memoirs of a Geisha
Omigosh, guess what school the director of this movie went to! He went to Carnegie Mellon! He was in the musical theater program. He graduated in ’82, slept for 20 years, then made some movies. If you have any respect for your school at all, you will go see this film. No doubt it will be making appearances in all future Carnegie Mellon propaganda, so you should become familiar with it now. What? You saw it in theaters and didn’t like it? Thought the visuals were good but that it was a boring movie? Were appalled that a Chinese actress would play a Japanese role? Do you even know where the director went to school?!

Saturday, 4/15
8 10 12
Fun with Dick and Jane
Warning: Saturday is the day not sponsored by AB Films. This is not a porno. However, you may still go to hell for watching it sober, because it’s just not that good of a movie. If you enjoyed Ace Ventura, still act the age you did back then, and want to see something a lot less memorable, you could see this movie. It’s a comedy about Dick and Jane, a married couple turned partners in crime. They aren’t as sexy or as badass as the Smiths, but boy can Jim Carrey make a lot of funny faces.

Sunday, 4/16
8 10 12
The Prophecy
This movie stars Christopher Walken as an evil angel come to Earth to collect a soul to end a war in Heaven. No, it’s not the Fatboy Slim music video... it is The Prophecy. It also stars Viggo Mortensen as Lucifer. I dare you to give me a reason why you wouldn’t go see this movie. Screw “homework due Monday.” Christopher Walken started a war in Heaven, and he’ll come for you next if you aren’t there Sunday night.