Everything you need to know

Dear Rachael,

When I start dating someone, I freak out. I wonder, Do I still like them? Do they still like me? And don’t even get me started on business beneath the sheets — let’s just say I’m a little insecure about my... abilities.

Why is the courting, do-you-like-me-circle-yes-or-no phase always so much more exciting than the actual relationship? Am I doing something wrong?

—Confused girlfriend

Oh, girl,

It sounds like you need some pure, unadulterated, burning love. But not the STD kind. The chase is, admittedly, the best part of modern-day courtship. After that, all hints of romance go out of the window. Am I right or am I right? You’re not doing anything wrong; that’s just the natural order of things.

I’d say don’t think so much. The mind can be a terrible thing when it overthinks. Analyzing a situation to death isn’t going to help you. I’d say follow your heart, but that’s terribly tacky. Instead, I’ll say just follow your gut (a much less romantic part of the body, don’t you think?) What’s your first instinct? Follow it. And tackle your insecurity by promoting honesty in your relationships — ask him if your latest... techniques, for lack of a better word, were satisfying or could stand for improvement. Do new things to make you and your boo feel like you just met.

Get on to lovin’!


Dear Rachael,

I’ve never been the person who approaches a girl to ask her out. In fact, I’ve only done it once and only after some serious seesawing with myself (that girl is now one of my best friends). However, I have found myself in a position where I really like someone. Only hang up is that she’s a junior and myself a lowly freshman. How can I get past that sinking feeling of inferiority and at the same time confront my fear of actually trying to ask a girl out?

—Pretty Passive Person

P to the 3rd power,

My most sincere advice would be to invest in a nice and durable set of cojones. Seriously! How can you expect to get what you want if you don’t go for it? Think of it like this: Things could always go really wrong. But you’ll never know how horrible everything will go until you dip that toe into the pool of love! Or lust, like, whatever.

As for the older woman, who knows if your lady friend (you’re at least friends, right?) isn’t the cougar type? She could like a younger man, assuming you’ve completed puberty. More importantly, though, two years may seem like a lot now, but it’s not much at all. I can think of plenty of couples, albeit mostly of the celebrity persuasion, that have up to 15-year gaps in age.

Tap that!