Advice for awkward people

Hey Matt and Ryan

I live off campus, so I have a long trek to class everyday. With this polar vortex and the snow, I’m getting really tired of Pittsburgh weather. But all this misery gave me an idea. I heard that the organizers of the Olympics in Sochi were importing snow in order to have enough. I think Pittsburgh should start exporting it and Carnegie Mellon’s the perfect place to figure out how to make this happen. With all the engineers, and the business kids, I think the student body could make a killing.

Innovative Cold Engineering, Pittsburgh Grade Hielo

We also heard that the Sochi organizers were stockpiling snow, however you have beat us to the punch when it comes to monetizing Pittsburgh’s current predicament. Ryan has done some calculations regarding the melting rate of snow and Matt thinks we should leverage Amazon’s fleet of drones. We are still coordinating the no-drone rules in New Jersey, but the no-fly zone over Serbia was lifted last decade, therefore socio-politically we should be okay. What’s that? We only have two weeks to get 710,000 cubic meters of snow nearly 6000 miles?

CMU students don’t sleep anyway,
Ryan and Matt

Dear Matt and Ryan,

Within the past few weeks, all that I seem to hear about is that new movie Frozen. Everyone is obsessed with the movie, the songs, and the parodies. It never ends! I’m really confused and frankly, kind of annoyed. What’s the big deal? It’s that chick from Wicked in an animated movie about snow. As if I want to see more of that these days. Sure, maybe if I had a snowman and reindeer to hang out with, I’d sing about how I can pop snow out of my fingers too. But I don’t, so I’m not interested. Can you shed some light on this? What’s the big deal about this movie?

Convinced Otherwise L. D. HEARTED

We hear you, and we get you. Despite nearly everyone’s obsession with this film, we are not convinced. Don’t get us wrong — it looks cute as a button. But the fact that our Twitter feeds have become one long page of lyrics about dancing around in the cold is just plain obnoxious. We wish we could explain it better. Really, we do. The best we can offer is to check out this new song we heard the other day called “Let It Go.”

Hang in there, you cold-hearted human, you,
Ryan and Matt