Advice for Awkward People

Hey, Josh!

I have a bit of a problem. My girlfriend of two years broke up with me recently because, among other things, she didn't like how much of a dreamer I am. I'll admit, my head is in the clouds, but I never thought that it was a bad thing until now. Nowadays, I think that I have displaced all of my emotions onto someone else, and this crush — if you can call it that — has built this person up such that the reality isn't even close to the picture in my head. She is intelligent and successful and someone whom I admire very much. I can very plainly see that this person doesn't like me, but in my mind, I can't stop thinking about how good we'd be together, and how much I really wish that she liked me in return. I'm also aware that the version of her I like is not the version that exists in the world — I have built the idea of her up so much that it's unrealistic, and that's my problem. I know in my head that this will most likely never work, but there is always that hope; and every time I convince myself that I am over it, that it was not a good idea, I see her somewhere, in line at Entropy, or around Baker, and my old crushy feelings come roaring back. What do I do? How do I ground myself back into reality and stop all of this blushing and stammering and dreaming? How do I get my feet back on the ground?

Putting Up with Disastrous Dreams of Intimacy, Nausea, and Giggles.


First of all, I'm very sorry about the breakup. Secondly, I want to make it clear that being a dreamer and an idealist are not bad character traits, nor anything to be ashamed of. Unfortunately, there really isn't a way to just logically stop all of these feelings. Your best bet is to either avoid her entirely or to actually get to know her. In one scenario, you might forget about her and have a clean break, and in the other, there are two options: Either you both hit it off and have a grand old life, or you begin to see the disconnect between the version of this person that you're so attracted to, and you realize the difference between what she is (the reality) and what you want her to be (your concept of her). The blushing and stammering and dreaming are all par for the course, but the best thing you can do for yourself is either let this crush die of natural causes and take some time to heal, or to pursue it and see what happens.

Joshua Brown