Advice for awkward people

Dear Evan,

I wrote to you last semester about my regrettable swipe to the right on Tinder, and how I got locked into a date with a guy I never wanted to see. Your advice saved my butt, and being that vulgar and uninhibited on a dinner date was some of the most fun I’ve ever had.

I deleted Tinder, and I’m in a steady relationship with my job — sitting on cars in short skirts and bikinis for Ford advertisements. But Tinder doesn’t seem to be done with me. Yesterday, my friend in Edinburgh, Scotland messaged me on Facebook, and apparently, someone there has been using my portfolio shots from my work to catfish men.

I did use work photos on Tinder the week before I deleted the app, but I never thought someone would end up using them! If my bosses find out, I’ll have to go back to nude modeling for adult amateur art classes.

How can I discreetly get this Scottish bastard to delete his fake profile?

Thanks,
Typical Idiot Not Doing Everything Right with my Body, Always Incises my Top Out Of Photos (Seriously)

Dear TINDER BAIT, OOPS,

I’m glad my advice from last time worked out so well! But you’re working as a sexy car ornament now? That’s a pretty lucrative way to show off your body, probably much more so than Tuesday art nights at the elder hostel.
So, I guess … follow your dreams?

I think you’re overreacting a little here. I don’t know how many catfish scams are unveiled per day, but with the climbing popularity of dating and hookup apps, it’s got to be up there. At least the likelihood of you knowing this identity-stealing Scottish clown is pretty low, unless this was your friend’s odd, covert way of turning him or herself in.

So, you could alert the app’s admins, and they could suspend this guy’s profile. Unfortunately, that’s probably as far as the company will go: While what he’s doing is a crime, Tinder will likely want to avoid legal drama surrounding incidences of catfishing — which, again, I assume happen pretty often, since I have no faith in human decency online.

I suggest you find the fake profile and spam him from multiple accounts with a clip of Kevin Kline from A Fish Called Wanda yelling “A**hooooooooole!”

Then report him anyway,
Evan Kahn

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