Advice for awkward people

Dear Evan,
I don’t get out much, but when I do, I’m always way too concerned with being the first person there. Especially when we go out to bars!

I went and saw this show for which my dramaturgy friend did whatever it is they do, and the plan for afterward was to go to The Yard with a bunch of people to celebrate. I waited until my friend left to walk over to Walnut Street, but when I got there, no one was there yet, and I panicked. I ended up hiding in some bushes across the street until everyone else showed up, rather than wait alone at the bar.

What can I do to start being ok with being first to a party?
Best,

Failing Incessantly to Reach Seat at The Inn Subsequent To Huddle of Ever-Weary Others, Really Starting to get Ticked

Dear FIRST IS THE WORST,

I don’t know if hiding in bushes across from a bar (and next to a shadier bar) late at night is the best thing you could have done. I’m not worried about you getting robbed — I'm worried about you scaring the crap out of some drunk guys that see a pair of eyes staring out of the bushes. Plus, if someone had to throw up, I’d imagine those bushes would be at the top of a short list of places to do that.
I recommend you consult your home copy of [ital]Magical Drafts and Potions[ital] for a concoction that might fit the bill, maybe one that can help boost self-confidence in uncomfortable settings. If you don’t happen to have the book, you can borrow it from m… my roommate. Yeah.
If you’d rather not go through the trouble — making potions is difficult, not to mention demoralizing — then I would pregame so heavily that you’ll only care about showing up early if you remember the night at all. This is assuming, of course, that you won’t just decide to get drunk at home and watch [ital]Parks and Recreation[ital], which is certainly a viable option.
If don’t want to go changin’, then I suggest incessantly texting your friends once you get to the venue, urging them to hurry up. Let’s face it: You’re not early — they’re always late.

But really, those bushes must be disgusting,
Evan Kahn

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