Advice for Awkward People

Hey, Josh!

Long story short, I am not getting enough sleep. I’m tired. Like really tired. Like sleepwalking 24/7 tired. Like so tired that I pass out standing in line for lunch. It got pretty bad yesterday when I fell asleep standing in line at Resnik and crashed onto a short guy, and I may or may not have broken his arm in the process. It’s not my fault — I’m a sturdy lad. Anyway, it’s been a month since the semester started, and I still haven’t adjusted to the schedule. Over the summer, I would wake up at 6 a.m., go for a run, make myself breakfast and have a really leisure-filled day, but nowadays, my sleep schedule is all messed up.

The worst part is that I don’t even feel like I’m being productive. I want to sleep, but I need to stay up and get things done. I want to stay up until 4 a.m. to have more time in the day. I’ve tried coffee and energy drinks, and I’ve even started sitting criss-cross applesauce so that my legs fall asleep. My legs are so well-rested, and the rest of my body is jealous. Help, please.

Blandly,
Tipsy, Irate, Red-Eyed Dude

Dear TIRED,

Slow down. Take a breath. I think that you need to get your priorities in order; you need to sleep, but you want to stay up and get things done. I strongly believe in the health benefits of sleep. I engage in sleep several times a week, maybe even every night if I’m feeling frisky. If you’re finding that there are not enough hours in the day, you should plan your days better, drop some commitments that are sucking up your time, and work smarter, not harder. You should never put your health on the backburner— especially if doing so causes you to crush shorter men. That’s just not cool.

Sincerely,
Joshua Brown.

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