Pour one out for the maskfishers

As Carnegie Mellon’s mask mandate ends, most people are relishing their regained freedom, but there’s one vulnerable group we must keep in our hearts: maskfishers. What for most is a lifted burden is a serious threat to others who now risk their full faces being exposed.

For the past two years, maskfishers have been comfortably appropriating hot culture. Between masks and the explosion of FaceTune, everyone has been able to take a piece of the pretty privilege pie, but that time is coming to an end.

To better understand their culture, I entered the UC and approached the only person I saw still wearing a mask. We had an enlightening interview, but they requested to be listed as Anonymous Student. As a considerate journalist, I of course complied. Here’s how it went:
The Natrat: So, what makes you keep the mask?
David Moore, Anonymous Student: Oh, you know, safety and all that.
TT: Do you find the mask uncomfortable?
DM: Yeah, but it’s way better than the alternative — uh, I mean… it’s not too bad.
TT: …?
DM: Okay, fine. sigh I took off my mask and the hot barista at La Prima didn’t smile at me anymore.
TT: Sounds tough. As someone unfamiliar with the culture, be honest, what is it like not being hot?
DM: It’s hard, but we’re pulling through. We’re all trying our best, we just hope that you guys don’t forget about us.

Although his story is harrowing, we must remember it is only one of many ongoing tragedies. We all must reach deep down into our souls to empathize with the unimaginable casualties, even if we cannot relate. I, for one, took off my mask for the first time and had to fight for my life among a throng of eligible bachelors, tearing each other limb from limb to ask me out. But still, I found it within myself to have sympathy for these strange-faced people.

So as we all move on to bigger, better, bare-faced things, remember to pour one out for the maskfishers.