Special

An interview with a student (definitely not) selling his soul to the corporate machine

Chase Buckley is no average American. He is from Westchester, NY, and he’s so quirky and different that he even plays lacrosse. Once a socialist who supported Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, he is now a fiscally neutral, free thinking, open-minded fascist.

“Look man, I wouldn’t exactly call myself a fascist. I just don’t think the government needs to support people who have disadvantages that are totally their fault. If there are disadvantages out there, I certainly don’t want to know because that will mean I have to do something about them,” Buckley told The Natrat.

His transformation came suddenly, on Pausch bridge. A sign was posted questioning how students could care so much about their Amazon interview while the rainforest is burning.

“I felt myself levitating. In that moment, something overcame me.” He felt inspired to stand up and say something. He had to speak out against the injustices. He pulled out a marker, pulling the cap off slowly, and wrote in big bold letters:

“I CAN DO MORE FOR THE WORLD AS AN AMAZON EMPLOYEE.”

Buckley is an entry-level software engineer at Amazon. He will be starting his job in June promptly after graduating.

“Amazon is an amazing company that provides goods and services at efficient market rates. With rising inflation, convenience is a value that the American consumer really values. Amazon provides that in a way that maximizes consumer surplus while paying workers a modest wage of 15 dollars per hour.”

When asked about Amazon’s controversies, Buckley shrugged it off.

“Haters are just gonna hate. I have this same issue with some of the more Marxist brothers in my fraternity, Alpha Kappa Psi. They need to start living in the real world and just understand that men like Jeff Bezos are the alpha overlords who are the ones doing the most for maximizing social welfare.”

Buckley will be moving to Seattle, where he hopes he can create a homeless shelter for a tax write off. He has been dabbling with cryptocurrency and hopes to use it as an avenue for non-taxable private social policy solutions.