Alex Lewis Junior Staffwriter

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  • Gahnta Dah Supah Bahl #3 - A Tex-Ass Whooping

    I can’t believe people get paid to professionally watch football while I’m stuck wallowing in misery from watching the most putrid offense that’s ever existed in my short life all for free. I require a city-wide subsidy to pay for every Steelers fan’s mounting psychological counseling fees. The week has calmed down across the league. The NFL is simping for Taylor Swift on a level most Swifties cou...

    Sports | October 9, 2023
  • Gahnta dah Supah Bahl - Kenny's Version

    Week 3 was an absurd fever nightmare. When people refer to “dark humor,” their jokebooks need to consist of less slurs and more statlines from this week. We had a team put up 70 points for the first time since JFK was still alive, the “this is our year” Cowboys forgot they weren’t in the playoffs yet and lost to the team that was trying to lose all 17 games this year, and Travis Kelce put up a sta...

    Sports | October 2, 2023
  • Gahnta dah Supah Bahl: Monday night madness

    How did we find a way to monopolize Monday night?

    Sports | September 25, 2023
  • How to improve CMU football games

    As the two members of the Carnegie Mellon student body who have been to the most football games out of anyone here (that’s verified, don’t fact check us), we think it’s high time that other students shared in the joy that is watching Division III football from Gesling’s illustrious bleachers. Look, we get it, Carnegie Mellon isn’t exactly a renowned athletic school, but the Carnegie Mellon section...

    Forum | September 25, 2023
  • Tuck and Roll: Fox moves on from Carlson

    Twitter woke up to an absolute shock when on Monday, April 24, Fox News announced out of nowhere that they were dropping Tucker Carlson from their platform — the bootlicker gets the boot, the irony brings a tear to my eye. We don’t mean to come off as angry leftists who just fill in blanks with random words (call that mad libs), but it’s not my fault the bipartisan divide can’t hide the fact Tucke...

    Forum | May 1, 2023