Zivan Vasquez

Class of

Articles

  • I Found DARPA's Wishlist!

    Carnegie Mellon has always been at the forefront of computing technology. Our databases have databases, and those databases have biceps. Which is why it’s so odd that I found a handwritten memo in Scott Hall chock full of requests from DARPA, the Department of Homeland Security, and ICE, asking for us to develop these technologies in the vein of national security. Keep your eyes peeled for the fol...

    Pillbox | November 1, 2021
  • Auntie Tartan (typed in a rush, unreadable)

    Q. I want to save money on Ubers, but I keep missing the bus! How do I get around the city cheaply?
    A. This question is irrelevant because space as you know it is a construct. I won’t get all Neil De-Ass Tyson on you, but what you have to understand is you’re already where you need to be. If you have to go to Target, just paint a bullseye on your bathroom mirror and BOOM ... you’re in the produce...

    Pillbox | October 25, 2021
  • White Wash? Pish Posh

    A few weeks ago, the super hero Shang Chi leapt from the pages of Marvel Comics to the silver screen, much to the excitement of fans worldwide. And while we all applauded Simu Liu for his charming performance, I couldn’t help but feel the role hadn’t quite been done justice. Perhaps Shang Chi should have been played by Jackie Chan? No, he’s far too old, and I kicked myself for picking someone so w...

    Pillbox | October 4, 2021
  • Ask Auntie Tartan (first draft don't publish)

    Q: Midterm season is kicking my butt! How do I get an edge?
    A: Fake a gnarly head injury. So bad you have to get a neck brace. I’d suggest pretending to slip on black ice, but since winter will soon be a thing of the past, you might have to settle for a trip down the stairs. Make sure your teacher sees you. Once you’ve got the brace on you, write all your notes down on the inside so you can check...

    Pillbox | October 4, 2021
  • Ask Auntie Tartan

    Q: “Hi A.T. I’m thinking about leaving my SO. How should I do it?"
    A: Two words. The. Fence. If there’s one thing that CMU students underestimate, it’s the power and potential of our favorite drippy fixture. Sure, RAs use it as an opportunity to spread school spirit during O Week. Yeah, 112 and Bhangra paint it when they need the publicity. But the real advantage is that you can loudly, publicly,...

    Pillbox | September 27, 2021